Saturday, October 18, 2008

Damn, it's been awhile

I always say that. I also always seem to abandon this again. Oh well.

Today I was going through a ton of pictures that I didn't even know we had, from about the past 4 years or so. I scrutinized myself, as I always do. But I had a different eye this time. I loved how I looked in most of the pictures...I could rarely EVER say that at the time. Then, over the past 2 years or so (really since I started putting on weight during my recovery), I noticed that I dropped out of those pictures. I know how awful I felt as I felt my body changing seemingly without my control. I seem more comfortable in my own skin now, but seeing those pictures made me realize how cute I was. (am)*.

When Nick's dad and my grandma died, they each had huge poster boards with pictures of them with all their family and friends. It made me realize that I want to be able to have that kind of record of our lives and the wonderful times and people we've known. So, I resolved to get over my photo-phobia and start taking and being in more pictures.

I really missed the body I had when I was looking through those. I don't want to say it's "inspired" me to lose this weight, as I think I have been, slowly over the past year or so. But I do have allll those cute clothes, and I was really pretty then. (and now). So. We shall see where this goes. IN any case, since getting Harley (oh yeah, we got a dog!) I've been out walking almost every day, and averaging around 2 miles. So that's something. I'd really love to get back to running on a regular basis. I was just starting to get to the point where I really WANTED to run, and for whatever reason, I stopped. I felt really good then, too.

I also realized how much I miss having all my good friends close by. I also really miss having peopel over on a regular basis. I loved doing that when we were in Milwaukee...after a night out at a bar, or concert or restaurant, people always seemed to gravitate back to our place to hang out, and a lot of those pictures were taken during those times. I miss that. I love our house now, and I love Nick and Harley, but we're home by ourselves a lot. I feel like I'll get shot down inviting people over from the department, because most of the residents have kids now, but it wouldn't hurt. It doesn't have to be the same as it was in Milwaukee, but I really enjoyed that and want to maybe make it part of our lives here, too.

*The voice reminding me that I'm still pretty, even though I don't always feel it.