RayGunGirl

A thousand different directions

2010-05-12T18:28:00.003-06:00

I am realizing once again how long it has been since I posted anything here, and once again I know why. I hardly have time for the people and things in my "real" world, that to chronicle them here barely happens. I am studying for my first round of board exams. I am beginning to think about getting a real job (in a year). I have gotten my first paper published, am working on a second, and have about three more research projects in the works. I gave a talk to a group of neurosurgeons today (scary bunch, those) and it went really well. I was also asked to peer-review an article for an international journal. Things have been going amazingly well for me this year, just at a break-neck pace.

All that being said, this week will be the last of my 20s. Next Tuesday I will turn 30. I'm not freaking out about it like some of my friends have as I feel like I am at a comfortable place in my life with regard to my career and my personal life. I'm feeling more a sense of reflection of the things I have done and a turning point; a chance to set an intention for the next ten years. I'm excited, anticipatory. I feel like the best things are yet to come in my life, and for that I feel extraordinarily lucky.

NAMASTE Giveaway!

2009-11-24T20:12:00.002-06:00

You absolutely must check out Knit Purl Gurl's blog for a giveaway of a fantastic Namaste Hermosa bag! I was lucky enough to get a Namaste bag for Christmas a couple years ago (one that's no longer available). It's great, it's just not big enough anymore. Enter Knit Purl Gurl, with her awesome giveaway of the Hermosa bag: check it out! She's got a great blog, too.

Abby Offerman | A Dog Named Christmas

2009-11-23T19:17:00.001-06:00

Abby Offerman | A Dog Named Christmas

Posted using ShareThis

Protein powder a-whey

2009-11-10T20:39:00.002-06:00

Ok, sorry, I couldn't help myself. But you really must check out this delicious giveaway from The Healthy Everythingtarian, of some very interesting-looking Tera's Whey protein powder packets. I'm trying to bring more protein into my life, and these seem like a tasty way to try!

Thinking about life

2009-08-12T16:16:00.002-06:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about Life lately. I'm sure it comes from working on the brain tumors/pediatric tumors service for two months now. It seems so unfair sometimes, it seems so short. Other days, it seems so miraculous it makes me want to cry (and I do). There are days that are really hard, but you still come away feeling like a good doctor, that you helped people. And, there are days where nothing, absolutely nothing is right.

But every job is that way sometimes, isn't it?

I guess what these past months have got me thinking about, in my own life, is that it's going by fast. I'm growing up, things are going by me. I need to stop now and then and enjoy them. I need to stay in touch, with myself, my husband, my friends and family.

In the grand scheme of things, it can all be lost, so quickly. Even all this hard work, all this intelligence I work so hard to gather, this career I'm working so hard to build. I see it lost in people. The things you don't lose are the ones who love you, the ones who you love back. When you're lucky, you don't lose too much of yourself, either.

Orange Swirls

2009-07-06T18:19:00.001-06:00

Orange Swirls by Raygungirl featuring Coach bags

Undergrad Fab Giveaway!!!

2009-07-06T17:12:00.002-06:00

Please go visit the fabulous Undergrad Fab and check out her amazing HANDMADE and GOODIE-STUFFED handbag giveaway. It is gorgeous and funky and you seriously need this bag. So go see her blog and her enviable style, and her amazing sewing and designing skills. And maybe win that bag for yourself!

Chickdowntown Scarf Giveaway!

2009-06-28T08:43:00.002-06:00

You must check out this amazing giveaway from Simple Elegance; a gorgeous Tolani scarf which looks like it was pulled directly out of the Mediterranean Sea. I want! I also want a million other things from Chickdowntown, the contest sponsor, so check out that website, too.

Slummin' it in scrubs

2009-06-12T21:28:00.005-06:00

Slummin' it in scrubs by Raygungirl on Polyvore.com

So even when I can't get it together with my clothes (I woke up at 3 am this morning and could not get back to sleep for the life of me, so I dragged myself out of bed at 5:30, and was not feeling a big fashion day), I still like to bling it up a bit. My necklace is the Tiffany Eternal Circle necklace I bought when I went to NYC when I was 18 - I saved my money, and I think it was the only thing I bought that trip, but I loved it then and 11 years later I love it still. The earrings are CZs that my husband got for me over Christmas, and I feel sooooo Happy Housewife when I wear them, I love it.

My Dansko clogs are my best shoes ever, so comfortable that I've worn them for 36-40 hours at a time (thank you internship) and sometimes worn them while standing on one place for 12 hours at a time (thank you surgery rotation). I know Sally at Already Pretty has already attested to the magic of Danskos, and I have several other pairs in various styles, but these are my classics, the originals, and also the ones that really make me feels like a "doctor" - yes, I know that's silly. I also try to put on makeup and do my hair on these days; if not, I feel like a total slob, and the day usually just doesn't go well.

Etsy Favs

2009-06-12T20:46:00.002-06:00

Image via CrunchBase

After talking to the loverly Undergrad Fab tonight, I had the thought to post some of my favorite Etsy sellers from time to time, as well as some of the quirkier ones.

My first post is a shop that I can't even remember how I came across, but as soon as I did, I knew it would serve me well, even though it's not my typical taste. It's A Well-Dressed Bullet, and they are a great little company in Ontario repurposing both new and used bullets into creative things. This is perfect for my dad, an ex-military man, hunter, and pen aficionado. I can also see a clay pigeon clock in his future, but that's another occasion perhaps. They have excellent and responsive customer service, letting me know right away that the order would not arrive in time for Father' Day (which I knew), and asking if I still wanted to place the order. Also, they offered to wrap it up, knowing it was to arrive as a gift. This was all convo'd back and forth as I sit here writing this post. They also do funky earrings, bolo ties, lights, keychains, and some amazing belt buckles, too. I've never seen anything else like it, check them out!

Finding my balance

2009-06-11T17:47:00.003-06:00

Image via Wikipedia

I'm starting to realize that I need to plan how I want my life to be, in order to achieve those things. If I continually roll along behind the eight ball, then that's where I'll always be. I don't want to over-plan things, or become so rigid in my goals that I can't adapt to circumstance, but at the same time, it's time for me to figure out where I'm going in my career and take specific steps to get there. Same thing for my personal life. What do I want? Run a marathon? Establish a daily yoga practice? Become involved in charity? None of these things will happen if I just try to remember to do them once in awhile, I have to make a conscious choice, a conscious plan to do so. So; I'm not sure what that plan is yet, but I'm beginning to get some ideas in place. I know where I want to look for jobs, I know that I have a two year time frame in which to get one. I have to maximize that time in order to land one in which I can use the best technology to treat my patients, and provide them the best care that I know how. I have thoughts on this, and I'm starting to lay out a manner in which to act on them.

Growing Up

2009-06-04T20:15:00.003-06:00

For a variety of reasons, not least of which is the yearly changeover of residents in the residency programs, I am feeling a sense of nostalgia, of stock-taking, and a sense of the start of something new.

I'm now half-way through the specialty part of my residency and lately, I'm starting to feel like this is really what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm feeling like these are my patients and I know how to take care of them. More and more, I feel like I do a really good job of taking care of them.

I'm not trying to sound conceited because god knows I still struggle a lot with learning enough material, fast enough and well enough. But I feel like the taking care part, I've really got that down.

And it's also striking me that I'm a senior resident now; I'm one of the ones that people are going to look to for decision-making, not just for patient care, but for things like administrative and political issues that arise in the residency program and the department as a whole. It's gotten me started thinking about how I come across as a professional. These are things they don't teach us in medical school. These are things I haven't had time to even be aware of, as I was just trying to keep my head above water before. But now, in addition to being a caring technically competent doctor, you want me to learn leadership skills, business practice management, yikes!

The cool part is that this change excites me; I'm really looking forward to finding out who I can become now that I'm in a position of more power, and more respect (and now that certain other people are gone, but I think I did a pretty good job keeping that bit of drama out of things up until now, didn't I?)

Daily Wear 6/4/09

2009-06-04T18:17:00.002-06:00

6/4/09 by Raygungirl featuring Old Navy

This was originally over a black jersey dress with cute black flats, but that all changed once it was cold and rainy this morning! It was a perfect cool-spring-day look, even though it has been and will be in the eighties the rest of the week. More running around through crazy clinics punctuated by meetings. It was comfy enough that I nodded off in my noon meeting (oops). The fact that I had no time to get any coffee or diet coke this morning AT ALL had NOTHING to do with that either, I'm sure. Let me tell you, that's far from my natural state.

So far polyvore is working out ok for me...the actual scarf I wore today is Target's Merona Paisley Jamawar scarf, but apparently it no longer exists on their website. I think mine is prettier. Maybe I'll take a picture of it separately and post it on its own. But you get the idea.

Daily Wear 6/3/09

2009-06-03T20:52:00.002-06:00

Black, White and Red All Over by Raygungirl featuring Old Navy

I got it to work! (Sort of). So these are close to the earrings I wore...I got them from my sister Mary from a boutique in Minneapolis, and cannot find a picture (and polyvore won't let me link a personal pic, I don't think), but they look awfully similar, filigreed all the way through the center rather than just at the bottom. I loved it, I felt very put together. Lots of running around the hospital to see patients and to meetings as well. My only complaint was that the cotton got wrinkly by the end of the day.

AND! I am such a huge convert to Dr. Scholl's high heel inserts that Stacy London hawks on TV. I put them in these heels, and they give me better, more comfortable support than my flats, no joke. Give them a try, your feet will thank you :)

2009-06-02T19:26:00.002-06:00

Why is it so damn difficult to take good pictures? I have been trying to get some good ones because I have put together some good outfits this week and it just isn't working. I need some serious help, here.

In any case, head on over to Blissful Style and check out her awesome giveaway. A mini laptop that looks like a designer clutch? I DIE. http://blissfullydomestic.com/blissful-style/giveaway-hp-mini-vivienne-tam-edition-from-intel/

Style Symmetry Giveaway!

2009-05-29T09:08:00.001-06:00

You absolutely must head over to Style Symmetry and enter he fabulous 1000th post giveaway! Enter through May 31st, she has some amazing prizes! http://stylesymmetry.com/2009/05/20/the-1000th-post-giveaway/

2009-05-28T15:02:00.001-06:00

Ok, the polyvore thing seemed like a good idea at the time but in practice it's a pain in the a**. So maybe I'll take headless photos. We'll see. I had on an adorable outfit yesterday involving a new silk scarf-as-belt and gold carved bangle from my sister, undergradfab.blogspot.com and it is not recorded. :( Oh well, just have to wear it again!!

Sharp-Dressed Doc

2009-05-26T17:06:00.002-06:00

I've really been getting into the daily-wear blogs lately, and the fact that my fabulous sister is behind Undergrad Fab certainly doesn't hurt my interest. She, my other wonderful sister and my mom all got me some fantastic accessories for my birthday this year that I am just dying to play with to start mixing up my wardrobe a bit. And I really would like to get some feedback on all of these things, it's just....

I get sort of a weird feeling about posting photos of myself everyday all across the interwebs. At least on facebook, I can control who sees what and when. But, keeping in good mind that I have patients and future employers who do use the internet, I think it's more prudent to post in the style of polyvore. So I'm going to try that for awhile and see how it goes. I'm not always going to promise that this will be a "daily" wear thing, either...lord knows I'm lucky if I remember to do everything I have to do, let alone extraneous things. But I want to try it and see how it goes. I'm open for any thoughts and opinions!

Things A Boutique Owner Sees: Giveaway Giveaway Giveaway

2009-05-26T17:03:00.000-06:00

Check out this awesome necklace giveaway from Things a Boutique Owner Sees: Things A Boutique Owner Sees: Giveaway Giveaway Giveaway

Damn, it's been awhile

2008-10-18T21:22:00.003-06:00

I always say that. I also always seem to abandon this again. Oh well.

Today I was going through a ton of pictures that I didn't even know we had, from about the past 4 years or so. I scrutinized myself, as I always do. But I had a different eye this time. I loved how I looked in most of the pictures...I could rarely EVER say that at the time. Then, over the past 2 years or so (really since I started putting on weight during my recovery), I noticed that I dropped out of those pictures. I know how awful I felt as I felt my body changing seemingly without my control. I seem more comfortable in my own skin now, but seeing those pictures made me realize how cute I was. (am)*.

When Nick's dad and my grandma died, they each had huge poster boards with pictures of them with all their family and friends. It made me realize that I want to be able to have that kind of record of our lives and the wonderful times and people we've known. So, I resolved to get over my photo-phobia and start taking and being in more pictures.

I really missed the body I had when I was looking through those. I don't want to say it's "inspired" me to lose this weight, as I think I have been, slowly over the past year or so. But I do have allll those cute clothes, and I was really pretty then. (and now). So. We shall see where this goes. IN any case, since getting Harley (oh yeah, we got a dog!) I've been out walking almost every day, and averaging around 2 miles. So that's something. I'd really love to get back to running on a regular basis. I was just starting to get to the point where I really WANTED to run, and for whatever reason, I stopped. I felt really good then, too.

I also realized how much I miss having all my good friends close by. I also really miss having peopel over on a regular basis. I loved doing that when we were in Milwaukee...after a night out at a bar, or concert or restaurant, people always seemed to gravitate back to our place to hang out, and a lot of those pictures were taken during those times. I miss that. I love our house now, and I love Nick and Harley, but we're home by ourselves a lot. I feel like I'll get shot down inviting people over from the department, because most of the residents have kids now, but it wouldn't hurt. It doesn't have to be the same as it was in Milwaukee, but I really enjoyed that and want to maybe make it part of our lives here, too.

*The voice reminding me that I'm still pretty, even though I don't always feel it.

FLOG

2008-04-02T19:50:00.002-06:00

As per The Rotund, I am thinking of keeping a list of what I've been eating - no quantitative portions, no calories, etc....maybe feelings associated with the foods. Just because I'm curious, and I think it's no longer going to be triggering for me. If it is, I'll stop. But it's been so prevalent in my mind lately, and hopefully writing it down will get it out of there!!

And so, today:
2 whole grain oatmeal packets
3 mini chocolate chip cookies
1/2 turket sandwich on wheat
1 bag potato chips
1 small brownie
1 oatmeal raisin cookie
handful tortilla chips
southwest chicken breast
jalapeno cheese mashed potatoes (YUM)
4 thin mints

Very much wanting sweets lately, and I'm not sure why. I'm ok with it for now, but am sort of curious to see what I'll do and how I'll feel without them. For whatever reason, I'm just not wanting fruits, vegetables, salads, etc. lately. I'm trying to be ok with that. We'll see.

Dreaming tree

2008-03-06T19:07:00.003-06:00

I woke up last night, about an hour after I'd fallen asleep, sobbing. I had one of the worst dreams I'd ever had - I dreamt that my husband had decided he was sick of being married to me. He wanted to go back to the life he had in college, and had already been putting money away into a separate account. He had been bringing people through our house in an attempt to sell it, as he was going to move back to our hometown, leaving me here in our new town. It felt so, so vivid, and I was absolutely heartbroken. I just wanted him to hold me and comfort me, and when he rolled over in bed, as he was tired and too warm to snuggle at that moment, I felt like I was being rejected all over again, in my still-dream-like state.

It occured to me that just before I fell asleep, I had been listening to one of the guided meditations that I've been using since I started my recovery. In the beginning of each recording, the therapist remarks that these can occasionally bring up strong emotions/reactions, and to be aware of that, and see how they fit in. I had never really experienced this, but I think that last night's dream may have been one of those deep dark experiences.

My greatest fear, I think, is that I will lose him. Most specifically, that he will decide that I'm not worth staying in this town that he doesn't like, and doesn't have many friends, simply for my residency training. (This, ironically, gets back to my belief that I'm not worth putting people out of their way in order to satisy my needs). I think this may be one of the things that I try to cover up with food, this terror that I'm going to be alone. Not just alone, but without him, specifically.

I know that he loves me, and that he supports me in my residency process, and that he's not going anywhere, and that he realizes that this is a short-term arrangement in order to achieve a long-term goal. But part of what strikes me is that I can't picture myself without him. I'm not sure I'm enough all by myself. I'm not sure what that means. I do know that it means I still have a lot to figure out, and that I've probably regressed a little in my progress, since we've moved and I've stopped seeing my therapist. I will have to mull this over.

Still a Newbie

2008-03-02T20:29:00.003-06:00

It's hard to believe that in 4 months, I will have completed my first year of radiation oncology training. I know it will go fast, and what worries me is that I still have SO MUCH to learn. My senior residents tell me this is common, and does go away, but that doesn't make me feel much better.

I'm also still trying to strike a balance in my life - I can easily spend all my free time studying, and have recently. I miss yoga, going to the gym more than twice a week, reading books for pleasure, etc. etc. I am realizing that I will be happier if I continue to incorporate these things into my life, and therefore more productive, less stressed, have less insomnia...I just have to remember that when it comes to crunch time.

In that vein, I have started training to ride a metric century with my bestest girl, Hillary. She is so inspiring to me, taking such control of her health, and has helped me to realize that setting a goal to achieve will not only help me focus my efforts at the gym, but also helps me to see my body as a tool to accomplish something, rather than as an object to be seen. It's been gorgeous here over the weekend, so I got my riding shoes outfitted with new SPD clips, and am hoping I will get my bike in shape to ride before the weather goes sideways again. If not, though, there's always spin class, which is currently kicking my ass. In a good way:

Me: (driving home after spin class) Hi hon, I just wanted to let you know that I am dying. So if I don't make it home from the grocery store, I'm dead somewhere.

Him: (answering the phone, groggy as I had woken him up) Uh...what? Where are you?

I then had to explain my attempt at humor, which makes it not funny anymore.
I also saw one of these at the bike shop today, and WANT. ONE. Badly. That way when the weather is wonky, I can ride in my own comfy basement. Much cheaper than riding a computrainer for $30/hour at another local bike shop. Yikes, can you believe that??

Ok, physics studying awaits. I am SO GLAD I am training for this field in the era of CT scanners and computers...reading about digitizing xray films makes me want to put my highlighter through my eye.

The Christmas toy tutorial for the confused parents who gifted it:

2008-01-30T21:52:00.000-06:00

What a year for a new year

2007-12-30T22:28:00.000-06:00

I always feel contemplative around this time of year. In my more obsessive days, I would have written out resolutions, committed (or re-committed) to my diet plan du jour, planned out my exercise schedule, and berated myself for not weighing what I thought I should (even if it was unhealthy).
This year I am trying to avoid the obsession with remaking myself. I am trying to organize myself for work, which I am realizing I need desperately. I have had quite enough of trying to keep it all in my head, and then failing miserably. So, I am making up a study schedule (to try to avoid cramming), and making up a patient database, so I can keep track of who I've seen, what they've got, how it's been treated and what I need to do for them. These are lofty goals, and while they may come across as a bit obsessive, I've driven myself crazy over the past 6 months without such a plan, so we'll give it a go.
As far as my body goes, it's more of a struggle. I know I've gained weight over the past year, and I know it's been part of my recovery. I also know I've started to shed some of the (really excessive) weight I put on during the move/house buying/new job starting phase. Which is good, but I'm still not entirely resistant to the barrage of ads for diet and fitness plans that are out at this time of year. I'm hoping that instead of trying to overhaul myself, I can stay focused on who I am, with or without whatever weight issues I've got going on, continue listening to my own inner voice, including my own hunger and tastes, and recognize that there are things I can do to make myself feel better that are productive - such as going to the gym and to yoga.
So in a way, I am trying to change things. But I feel like I'm trying to change them by getting back to myself, or even getting to know myself, as opposed to trying to become something that I'm not, and setting myself up for failure.
In addition, I think this "listening to myself" mantra will lead me back into therapy. Not that I need anything intensive - I think I've been dealing with my eating disorder remarkably well lately - but I did like having a third party to help sort out my feelings and experiences. I've got a referral, and plan on making an appointment soon.
Finally, I feel like I am taking a huge, cleansing breath. The end of this year has thrown so many things my way that I haven't been quite sure how to deal with - not the least of which include feeling overwhelmed at work, and losing my Grandma right before the holidays. So I'm taking a few days just to breathe. To be good to myself, hang out with my husband, get my thoughts together, and breathe.

You turn your back

2007-12-07T22:39:00.000-06:00

Somehow it's been nine months since I wrote a post here. In that time, I've moved cities, gotten a different job, bought a house, bought furniture for said house, had a tree fall on my car, bought a new (old) car, spent hours and hours studying, and ended up in the middle of grad shcool classes again. I finished the alst of my semester fianals today, which is something I didn't think I'd say again. Granted, I'm not taking radiobiology or physics for credit, but I can't shake the over-achiever mentality that I must do my best (rather than just pass, which would certainly be acceptable, given that it's a pass/fail class.

I'm not sure what I want to say here, what I want this space to be. For now I'm just going to try to keep track of what's going on in my life right now.

At this moment, it's insomnia, House, and my new laptop.

Grand Rounds is up!

2007-03-20T15:54:00.000-06:00

Please check out the wonderful job that Sam at Blog, MD did with Grand Rounds. Thanks for including my submission!

TB with a side of pi

2007-03-14T15:37:00.000-06:00

First off, happy pi day. (My geek is showing).

Next, I did something in clinic today I did not expect I would have to do...treat a 25 year old for TB. Granted it was latent TB, but it scares me because she's a recently graduated nurse, and had negative PPDs. However, her quantiferon gold test was positive, and a nodule showed up on xray. And while she's been asymptomatic, and working (!!!) per the employee health recommendations, I have now sentenced her to 4 months of fairly hardcore antibiotics. It makes me wonder what I have been exposed to.....

Thirdly, I am having so much fun buying things for my Yarn Pron Swap pal! I need to be careful to stop buying things for myself too.... :) Etsy has so many good things, how's a girl to decide?
My Cozy lace shawl is driving me nuts. I've frogged a row about 5 times, and I cannot figure out why it looks like it's in pattern at the beginning, and then towards the end, the pattern is off, and I have an extra stitch. WTF??? I think it's back to the soothing ribbing on my sock for awhile.

Toys in the Attic

2007-03-13T17:05:00.000-06:00

I had an incredible breakthrough in one of my own biases today, and it made me feel really good about some of the personal work I've been doing this year.

A little background....

I've had an eating disorder for the past ten years or so, and recently reached the decision that I could not live that life anymore. I have been in treatment for about 8 months. Part of that treatment was the determination that I have had a low-level depression for the past few years, through which I have been functional, but not optimal (a dysthymia, if you will). I was advised that an antidepressant could be very helpful to me.

While my logical, medical brain told me that this made sense, my gut put on the brakes. I came to recognize that when I see patients who are taking psych medications/have psychiatric history, I tend to conceptualize them differently in my own mind. At least in the inpatient setting where I spend most of my time lately, it often means that those patients are more difficult to treat. They often have accompanying social issues (I swear I have learned as much social work in my intern year as I have medicine). They may be less likely to take their meds, and keep their follow-up appointments. And now, I was going to be ONE OF THEM.

To clarify, my greatest fear was that, in reviewing my "med list" someone would see that I take an antidepressant medication, and would form the same opinion about ME. That's when my bias stood up and slapped me in the face.

I have tried to keep this in mind as I have carried on through the wards the past few months, and have been able to see things through different eyes to a certain degree. Another facet of this which emerged is that I was often reluctant to talk about psychiatric disorders frankly with patients....as if they didn't know they had it, or something? I think it's mostly because it's not a field that I see frequently/am comfortable treating.

In any case, I am on an outpatient month now, and while in my preceptor's clinic this afternoon, had the opportunity to meet a 70-something lady with bipolar disorder. It wasn't something I could pussyfoot around - the reason she came in to the internal medicine clinic was to talk about her current manic episode. Ok.

The patient was there with her daughter, and both spoke frankly about it as soon as I walked in:

Dr. Raygungirl: "Tell me what brings you in today."

Patient: "Well, I'm having a manic episode. I'm not sleeping, I'm spending more money, and I have 15 projects going on at home right now. And I want to remodel my kitchen." (She meant remodel it herself, not hire someone, FYI.)

And so it went. I found I was incredibly comfortable talking to the patient about her symptoms, explaining why she was experiencing what she was, and even guiding her and her daughter in the best way to navigate the god-awful insurance coverage for mental health. I called it a disease, and the patient stopped, faced me directly, and said, "I never thought of it that way!" So I went on to explain that it was a disease, no different from diabetes or hypertension except that it was happening in her brain. And then she shared with me that forty years ago, after she had her "nervous breakdown," she and her husband moved their family to a different town because they were so embarrassed about her "problem." It felt really good to reassure her, and in doing so, reassure myself. Mental health diseases are diseases, and they can be treated and managed in a similar manner to blood pressure, as long as we are not too hung up on stereotypes or limited experience (me).

I was frank, upfront, and I was helpful. I feel today that I've been more helpful to that one patient than I've been to all the patients I did blood pressure checks and well-woman exams on all month so far. And she, in turn, has helped me. I know that mental health issues are still stigmatized in our culture, but now, I'm not going to be part of the stereotyping and stigmatization. Next time I see a chart with psych meds or diagnoses, I won't jump to my previous conclusions. And maybe, next time someone sees my chart, they'll show me the same respect.

Yarn Pron Survey

2007-03-06T14:43:00.000-06:00

Late with this, but just got back from Vegas (see upcoming post)....

1. What kind of fibers do you prefer? Anything natural, although I do love merino lots

2. What kind of weight do you prefer (sock, worsted, bulky)? sock through worsted

3. Do you spin? Nope

4. Do you crochet? Nope

5. Are there any books, patterns, magazines would you like to own that you don't? Oh, lets see: SNB nation, anything Interweave, Wicked and Rusted Root from Zephyrstyle, Fitted Knits

6. Are you participating in any themed a-longs like the Project Spectrum? Nope.

7. Do you have a wishlist on Amazon.com or Half.com? (provide a link) Mostly doctor-related books, so not really relevant.

8. Any Etsy stores that you would love to get something from? Hmm, Ruby 297, Yarn Botanika,
and not necessarily etsy, but I love Lisa Souza, and would love to try socks that rock, yarn pirate, tofutsies or yarntini.

9. What other crafty things are you involved in (quilting, drawing, painting)? Beading/Jewelry making.

10. What is your favorite sort of scent? My absolute favorite scent if my eucalyptus spearmint BnBW line of stuff, but I'm also a big fan of Ralph Lauren Style.

11. Do you have a sweet tooth and what kind of sweets do you like best? Yes, and dark chocolate is my by-far fav.

12. What kind of music do you like? Everything except country, really. Seriously. (tm) My favorites are Jack Johnson, DMB, Sarah McLachlan, Fiona Apple, etc but I have everything from Grateful Dead to NIN and in between on my iPod.

13. What do you like to knit? And for whom? Everything. And for anyone, mostly. I usually only gift to those who are close ot me and I know will appreciate it, because I knit pretty slowly. FOr that same reason, I will not sell anything I knit, because it takes me so long, the prices would have to be ridiculous.

14. What sort of things do you like to collect? Not a collector type, really. Books, I guess, as my shelves seem to get more packed by the month.

15. Do you want needles? And what kind do you prefer? I can always use needles. I love my KnitPicks options set, but would like some of the smaller circs. I also only have one pair of DPNs, US1s, as I've just started sock knitting. I like metal as I can be hard on needles, but am intrigued by the Lantern Moon needles.

Knitting with the Plague

2007-02-15T13:31:00.000-06:00

I've been hit by the plague, othgerwise known as a fabulous little respiratory virus that is not influenza, and therefore not covered by the little shot I got a few months back. It has me down and out for 5 days. I don't think I've been this sick as an adult. Every time I'm feeling better, it starts up again with the fevers and chills, and aches and sore throat. Ugh. This is getting complicated at work, as Healthcare Conglomorate terms any sick time greater than three days a "leave of absence."

Are you kidding me? I took one day as a vacation day, two as sick days, and now I need a NOTE FROM MY DOCTOR to go back to work. Oy vay. It makes me want to just hang a shingle out front of my house when I have my own practice, and keep the linear accelerator in the basement. Or at least remember not to get to close with Healthcare Conglomorate. Too much paperwork.

At least I've finished my Big Bad Baby blanket and a calorimetry to compliment my sister's scarf in time for their various events. Pics to follow.

The Exotic Perfumed Engine Weasel

2007-02-05T20:19:00.000-06:00

Sometime last week, I started noticing a faint perfumey smell in my car. Originally I thought it belonged to the baby sweater I had bought my friend and kept in my car for a day, and had a nice little smell to it. But the sweater was gifted last Wednesday, and the smell persisted. It got stronger, and somewhat perfumey, and I thought maybe it was on my scarf. Then, as the temperatures PLUNGED into the depth of frozen hell this week, the heat in my car started to be on more frequently and in greater intensity, I noticed the smell increasing proportionately.

Yesterday, it got to the point that it smelled like a little old lady had crawled up inside my heater and died. It sounds awful, but I Kid. You. Not. It reeked like my grandma's perfume. So as I was driving to our friends' Superbowl party, I asked N if he smelled anything. He did, and I proceeded to see if he knew what it was. I shared my observation about the heat, and we further deduced that it only happened when heat was blowing through the lower vents. I asked if an animal could have gotten up inside there, and N claimed that it would smell much more rank than it did. He then added (totally deadpan)...."Unless it's an exotic perfumed engine weasel."

Hilarity ensued, we arrived at the party, and the car was so damn cold by the time we got back in it, that the weasel was forgotten.

Today driving around, I had no choice but to blast the heat or lose my toes and was nearly asphyxiated by grandma-smell by the time I got to work. By this point, the matter was concerning me ever more greatly, and I called my dad. I described the smell, and he asked whether it was sweet....and then proceeded to freak me out by suggesting that I could potentially have antifreeze fumes leaking into my car.

When N got home today, I sent him outside to the car to smell my coolant to see if it was similar in scent, and approximately ten minutes later he returned, with his hands behind his back and a very smug look on his face. "I present the exotic perfumed engine weasel." He holds out a dryer sheet, which he had found clinging to the under-part of my driver's side dashboard.

It had escaped the apartment on my shoe, and lived on the floor of my car for one very odiferous week. *slaps herself on the forehead*

N offered to nickname me the perfumed engine weasel, but I suggested that it sounds a bit kinky without the backstory.

;)

Ice Princess

2007-02-03T17:36:00.000-06:00

Good mother, it's freezing here. My weather.com page tells me it feels like -18 degrees F. I am shivering away in my computer room right now, drooling over lovely wool yarns that I ought not buy, but I want to. I want a stash. N would argue that I already DO have a stash, but it only takes up one little square area in a bookshelf. So not a stash.

If I had a stash, I think I would snuggle up under all the balls of lovely warm wooly yarn goodness tonight, and not come out. That's just how damn cold it is. It is certainly too cold to go traipsing out to see my friend's band tonight, what with the dearth of downtown parking, and the smoky bar, and the cold, cold me. Sorry guys, I'll catch ya next time.

We do have to go out to the Superbowl party tomorrow, not because I'm terribly enamored of the Superbowl, but party because our friends throw this party every year, and next year we'll be in Ohio, and therefore not able to attend, but mostly because I am making an AWESOME black bean dip. It's called a black bean dip, but really it's mounds of melted cheesy goodness with some jalapenos and black beans thrown in for good measure. It's from our favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant. I shall post it later, after I dig it out. Yum.

I was on call last night, for the first time in the last month that I will ever do general medicine wards. It struck me how much more comfortable I feel doing this now than at the beginning of the year. I think I've learned more in the six months of my intern year than in my last two years of med school, at least as far as amount learned per period of time goes. I can figure out what's wrong with a patient, I uaually have a reasonable idea of how to fix it, and if I don't I know who to call to get a specialty opinion. This does not mean that I have learned all that there is to learn about the art of internal medicine, of course not. But I've become a much better diagnostician and know how to handle patients in the inpatient setting. I suppose that's what this transitional year was all about. Ok, great, so can I be done now? I'm totally ready to move on to RadOnc and start treating cancers, my true interest and career. I'm over pneumonias and diabetes, I tell you.

You know you're obsessed with knitting when....

2007-01-29T13:55:00.000-06:00

The scene: Friday evening, computer room

Husband: playing WOW on his computer

Me: Kissing him goodbye on my way to the gym..spies that he is killing Ice Yaks
(no, I don't make this stuff up)

Me: Save me some Yak fur.

Husband: uh-huh (not looking up from the yak-slaughter).

Me: I wonder what I could knit out of yak fur?

Husband: Weren't you going to the gym?

FO, #1

2007-01-26T12:01:00.000-06:00

The Crossover Scarf, for my sister's birthday.

I think it looks better in person than in the pictures...it looks kind of messy when laid out, but it's nice and lacy-looking in person.

I lied, this will be my first gifted knit object, as my friend's baby is due after my sister's birthday, and I really wanted to try this technique before I go back to stockinette in a baby blanket.

I got the Ick

2007-01-25T11:07:00.000-06:00

Oh, I'm sick. As a dog. It came on like someone flipped a switch the other night, right after we had chinese food. My throat got very sore, and my glands felt huge, and at first I thought I was having an allergic reaction to chinese. But then, the fever started and the body aches. I've been in bed for most of the last two days, alternately knitting, groaning, sleeping, and watching TV. Ugh. I really really want to get better to go to Yoga Day USA on Saturday - a whole day of free yoga classes! - with my mom, but we shall see. Right now I'm trying to beg her to bring me soup and medicine, and some TLC. I'm sure she will after work, because she's such a good mom. Don't know what I'm going to do when I'm sick in Cincinnati. I mean my husband takes good care of me, but it's not the same as my mommy.

Gifts for Yourself

2007-01-22T16:04:00.000-06:00

I posted a ton of new stuff in my shop last night, including Mary's debut handbag listing, which is garnering lots of attention so far! Take a look!

I'm also having a Valentine's Sale - But one get item, get 25% off an item of equal or lesser value.

What I'm cooking...

2007-01-20T10:03:00.000-06:00

Made these recipes last night...I tried to replicate the whipped sweet potatoes from the Weber Grill restaurant, which I love, and these came pretty close. My only issue was with trying to peel the potatoes after they were cooked...too soft to do with my veg peeler, I ended up peeling off the skin by hand, and these suckers were HOT! Next time I'll try peeling before microwaving. As for the chicken, I added about 1/4 c barbecue sauce instead of 2 teaspoons. Who on earth could make barbecue chicken with two teaspoons of barbecue sauce? Much more flavorful my way.

Overall a good, yummy dinner that was quicker than I thought it'd be.

From CookingLight.com

Vanilla Sweet Potatoes
2 pounds sweet potatoes
3/4 cup 1% low-fat milk
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
2 tablespoons butter or stick margarine, softened

Pierce potatoes with a fork, and arrange in a circle on paper towels in microwave oven. Microwave at HIGH 10 minutes or until tender, rearranging potatoes after 5 minutes. Wrap in a towel; let stand 5 minutes. Peel and mash potatoes. Combine with milk and remaining ingredients.
Place in a 1-quart casserole; cover and microwave on MEDIUM for 7 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Yield: 6 servings (serving size: 2/3 cup)

Chicken with Barbecue-Bourbon Sauce

4 (6-ounce) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon canola oil
1 tablespoon butter
1/3 cup minced shallots
1/4 cup bourbon
3/4 cup fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth
2 teaspoons tomato-based barbecue sauce

Place each chicken breast half between 2 sheets of heavy-duty plastic wrap; pound to 1/2-inch thickness using a meat mallet or rolling pin. Sprinkle chicken evenly with salt and pepper.
Heat oil and butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add chicken; cook 6 minutes on each side or until done. Remove chicken from pan; keep warm.
Add shallots to pan; cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add bourbon to pan; bring to a boil, scraping pan to loosen browned pits. Cook until bourbon mixture is reduced to 2 tablespoons (about 5 minutes). Add broth and barbecue sauce; cook until broth mixture is reduced to 1/2 cup (about 3 minutes). Serve sauce over chicken. Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 chicken breast half and 2 tablespoons sauce)

Big Bad Baby Blanket

2007-01-18T10:55:00.000-06:00

I'm very excited....one of my friends from work is pregnant with her second baby, and she's due in about 6 weeks. Which is of course very exciting. BUT. I am excited because I decided to knit her a baby blanket from the Stitch 'n Bitch book. It will be my first knit gift to anyone, but it's a relatively simple pattern, and I've got all that on-call time next month to knit (when I'm not admitting and taking care of my patients, that is. Right.) I think she would appreciate it, too, as she's very into stuff that's not mass-produced chain-store. Her daughter right now is always dressed inthe cutest little-girl funky stuff, so I know I can get away with making it in a cool variegated blue-green yarn, rather than pastels. I'm getting yarn today!

Crazies in the ER

2007-01-17T23:36:00.000-06:00

Usually I joke about how unrealistic the ER-type TV shows are...ERs are never that busy, that crazy, and very rarely have gun-toting nut-jobs. I know. I've been in quite a few ERs at all hours of the day, and it never happens.

I may have to eat my words today.

I worked an 11-11 shift, and my god, I am spent. I had two people in florid congestive heart failure, one guy with an infected leg...all the way up his leg, and a lady who was eating dinner in a restaurant, and collapsed, with a huge bleed in the left hemisphere of her brain. Those were just the interesting patients. Then I went to reach for a chart, glanced at the name, and recoiled in horror, as if it were a snake.

It was a patient who is what we call a "frequent flier." All the other ERs in the city know not to admit this guy, except ours. We have a few docs who have the CYA-complex, and he keeps getting admitted. I know this because he was admitted to my team back in August, and we could. not. discharge the man. He knows how to manipulate the system, he knows how to fake symptoms, he steals from other patients, he pleasures himself in his hospital room in front of nurses.....he's a disaster. Luckily, as the resident, I have the ability to cherry-pick the "learning cases," and did not go see him.

So when I heard the deafening crash from one of the other hallways, imagine my surprise to find out it wasn't him. No, this time the suicide-attempt patient, who was guarded by at least two cops, broke out of his room, knocked over all the storage carts in the hall, and invaded the room of another patient, threatening her. Then, the cops tackled him, cuffed his wrists and ankles, and the attending snuck up from behind with a shot of Haldol.

So, to all the Doc-dramas out there that I take such great pleasure in shouting at while my husband rolls his eyes at me, today I eat my words. Today. I can't promise that when Grey's Anatomy comes on tomorrow I won't shout "that's not how you do it!" at the screen, but for tonight, you were right.